My first sale!

I made my first sale on Etsy yesterday. I'm so glad someone bought something in the first day. Now I don't have to agonize over whether or not I'm going to sell the van load of things I bought in Las Vegas over the last weekend.

Here's what I sold:



A pair of Gucci shoes.

For whatever reason, my eBay sales are practically non-existent. I listed a bunch of really great stuff last week and only sold three things. All three sold for the opening bid. It's depressing. Plus I bought a dress form before I left town and it arrived without the base. The seller left ME a negative feedback. *sigh* I have those shirts that Nick modeled for me up right now, but nothing...a lot of watchers, no buyers. I'm wondering if it's still the boycott keeping sales low?

Well, I'm not going to worry about it. I'll list where ever seems appropriate. I like the feeling at Etsy, it feels far less bloated than eBay. I have some ideas for making things, too, which I could sell on Etsy along with my vintage. Kevin figured out a way to make a stand for my base-less dress form (he's so cleaver!) So I'll take some pictures today and see where it all leads.

Cross your fingers that it doesn't all lead right back to being a full-time substitute, huh?

What I learned

Here are some things I learned this weekend that I didn't already know, or hadn't put together myself:

1. The disabled are the only group of people left in the US that are systematically segregated.

2. The Nazi's perfected their killing techniques on the disabled, murdering 250,000 disabled people before they made their way to Jewish people. The ovens and gas chambers used in "hospitals" to kill those who were less than perfect in their eyes were then moved to the concentration camps and used to kill millions of Jews.

3. Some states have a system of distribution of benefits called Self-determination. Under this system the money that the state would spend housing a person with a disability in a state-run home, providing aids and other services, etc. is put into an account governed by a fiduciary. The person receiving the benefit can spend it how they see fit, hiring their own service providers, finding housing that they choose, roommates that they choose, in a place where they choose. Choice. It's a powerful thing. Nevada doesn't have such a system. Studies have shown that when they are using their own money, people receiving benefits are frugal and prudent with the funds and that fraud has a very low occurrence.

4. There is power in difference. How many years have I spent trying to make my kid be just like all the other kids? How much medication have I fed him, trying to attain that end? How hard have I struggled to make him fit in, make him normal? The problem isn't him. He's a perfectly normal person with autism. The problem is the lack of education, the lack of acceptance and tolerance, in other people.

I had an interesting conversation with my dad's wife this weekend. She's a special education teacher. (As an aside: When I told her that I decided I don't want to be a teacher, she actually cheered. She told me that if she had it to do over she would never be a teacher, she hates the job so much. THIS is why I don't send my kid to school. Unless you're related, how do you make sure that you aren't sending your high needs child to a teacher like this??) My dad was trained as a teacher, too. As you can imagine, whenever I'm there the conversation always comes around to the topic of Nick being radically unschooled. Nancy told me this weekend that school's purpose is to make children conform to society. I threw up a little in my mouth when she said it. Conform to society? That made me remember reading what John Gatto had to say about the Prussian educational system (our educational system) and how it's use in Germany gave a foothold for the Nazi's and their sick ideas to get in and take root.

Conformity? I want to raise all my kids, disabled and otherwise, to stand up for themselves, each other and anyone else who needs it. To speak up and have something to say. Conformity? I don't think so. This is exactly why I am having a hard time thinking about sending Ruby to school when she's old enough, and why I'm glad her birthday is in December so that I have an extra year to mull it over.

I'm back from my trip.

What a trip!

I did a lot of soul searching. An UNBELIEVABLE amount of shopping. Spent some time with people I really like. It was just a really good weekend all around.

The class (it's called Partners in Policymaking. I have a feeling you'll be hearing a lot about this from me in the months to come, so I'm just calling it Partners, if you don't mind) was incredible. The main gist of it is that every year this group puts on an eight month long class to teach people to advocate either for themselves if they have a disabled, or for their child or family member who has a disability. I was invited, of course, because I'm the mother of a child with autism.

I want to tell you all about it. I'm so fired up. This is where the soul searching comes in. It just became so clear to me that this is what I want to do. I don't want to be a teacher. What was I thinking? Wasn't it clear enough by the fact that I feel sick everyday that I have to work? Anyway. I'm going to share more about the class with you tomorrow.

I shopped. Did I mention that? I think I hit every thrift store in Las Vegas. And then some. Kevin took the backseat out of the van before I left. The van was packed nearly to the ceiling. I got some scrumptious things...wait until you see! I'm in the process of processing it, washing, mending, stain-busting, etc.

Here are some pictures I took of a couple purses I found. What do you think of my model?

I finally opened an Etsy store today. I spent most of the day figuring it out and getting some things listed. I'd love some feedback...what do you think? eBay isn't working out...it's different now. I can't explain it. I don't think it has anything to do with the fee changes or anything like that, except that it is bringing out this unbelievable sense of entitlement in both buyers and sellers. I'm going to give Etsy a real shot and list the things I bought this weekend there, and see where it leads. Anyway...check it out for me, huh?
My Etsy name is enigmavintage.

The one where I think I might faint

Nick, Ruby and I are on our way out of town. We're headed to Vegas until Tuesday morning. I have a HECTIC week planned. As soon as we get into town (about noon today), Nick is going to his dad's and Ruby is going to her grandparents. The people who are running the seminar that I'm going to on Friday and Saturday are putting me up in a hotel for Thursday and Friday nights.

Me? I'm shopping! It feels like Christmas. I'm so excited! See...all the exclamation points???!!! Anyway, I'm shopping. And shopping. I might see a movie tonight. A real movie! In a real theater! (fans herself and tries to get her breath)

Friday and Saturday mornings and afternoons, I'm in the seminar. The point of which is to work towards developing legislation to support autistic people. Very cool.

After three? Shopping! Saturday night I'm spending at my in-laws, where I will be busily working on my school work.

Sunday I'm spending with my best friend. We're going to the swap meet, and to my favorite Mexican restaurant. And I'm spending the night. She's going to help me with my art project for school...how fun does that sound?

I'm grocery shopping on Monday. There is nothing like living two hundred miles from anything, where the only grocery store is a tiny little place with a monopoly on the commodity, to make you appreciate your local Sunflower Market. Organic veggies...I think I might faint! We're spending Monday night with my dad in Logandale and then coming home on Tuesday.

Whew. Are you tired just reading our itinerary?

So, we're off. Talk to you Tuesday...or maybe Saturday.

Well, the universe aligned on Monday for a perfect photo shoot! I asked one of my students to model for me. I knew she'd be perfect--she has a really great look for what I'm wanting to do. She met me at Candice and Roger's house (it's prettier than mine, and in town) on Monday. The weather had a magical moment of 60 degrees and just enough cloud cover. We shot outside because I don't have the lights to make an indoor shoot work. Here are some of the pictures...tell me what you think! You can check out all the auctions at my eBay store.

Nick's First Modeling Shoot

I went to the thrift store yesterday and picked up some killer men's vintage shirts. I coerced Nick into modeling for me. He's is so photogenic! I think it's a side effect of the autism; he's the most completely unselfconscious I know.

You can see the rest of the pictures on the auctions if you want.

Enigma

I substituted today for the man who teaches the higher level math classes. It was a breeze...kids in calculus just don't behave the same as kids in paced algebra. But there is something distinctly weird about being in a classroom where my entire function is being there so that they have someone to ask permission from to pee. I didn't take calculus in high school...I'm not entirely sure what calculus is. It was like someone took a giant highlighter to the fact that, given the chance, kids will learn on their own. They completely taught each other today's lesson, using their books and the book they call The Bible, which is the teacher's edition.

I taught English the day before, and that was nice. I love teaching English. I get English. Math, not so much.

So I changed the name of my eBay store to Enigma Vintage from KSA Vintage. KSA is just mine and Kevin's initials, with the initial of our last name. Enigma is a feel good word to me, because it was the name of this magical cafe that used to be in Vegas. Going there was like going to another world. It isn't there anymore, even the building was raised for the new prison downtown, but I remember being there and how nice it felt. That's what I want people to feel in my store.

Tomorrow I'm taking some pictures of what little amount of clothes I've picked up at the local thrift store, modeled by a girl from the high school. I think it'll turn out great. Krystal is energetic and cute as a button, but edgy at the same time. And she LOVES having her picture taken. Loves. For real. I'll post some tomorrow and we'll see what ya'll think.

In other news, I've been watching the stock market pretty closely lately. It seems to me that things that even six months ago would have shot it into the stratosphere for weeks are barely bringing on a blip up and then the next day or two something negative comes out and it falls again. I don't think there are very many people outside politics and those who have the hardest to fall who are denying the recession anymore. My gut tells me this will be worse than any recent recession. Worse than after the dot com thing, since it barely even entered my consciousness that we were in a recession that time. Right now everyone is talking about the economy. I hear it at work, at the store, in restaurants, everywhere I go. The man who used to own the grocery store (they sold it about two months ago) works at the high school. He just sold his house and he's moving his family to Redding, California. I overheard him saying today that he signed the papers on his house yesterday--he didn't get what it was worth, but it was on the market since June so they just got what they could. If I had bigger balls, I would have asked him if "getting what you can" really means the same thing as "getting what it's worth." Worth isn't determined by the seller's idea of what a thing should cost, but by what a buyer is willing to pay for it. The buyer determines worth, not the seller. Right? His house is worth just what it sold for. And likely some less.

They came to measure for the door the landlord is putting in so that we can have both sides of the duplex. I'm scared to up our rent still. We need the space. That isn't me being an entitled American, either. Two adults, two teenagers and a toddler do not fit in a two-bedroom, 850 square foot apartment for the long term.

As I typed that, I was thinking--says who? If it came down to it, we could stay just where we are until the cows come home. It's tight. I'd like a room without a Ruby in it. I'd like Adrienne not to spend the fleeting tail-end of her childhood sharing a room with her brother. I want more room. We can get by without it. So, instead of telling myself we HAVE to move, and we'd HAVE to move either way--I'm going to remind myself to be grateful that we can move. We can afford it, and there is no guarantee that, in the future that is coming, we will be able to.

It's a bumpy ride we have to look forward to. I want to ride it out in a space big enough for a money-making enterprise to fit in with us, and with a yard big enough for a Victory Garden!

Making My List, Checking it Twice

Some people can keep doing something day after day, week after week, year after year forever, even if it makes them miserable. Sometimes I wish I could be that person, but I'm just not. If I'm not happy with something in my life I feel an overwhelming desire to change it. I start filling notebooks with lists and plans, I start researching. (I wonder how one gets a job in research? I'm a really good researcher.)

I really do not like my job. I want to like it. You have no idea how badly I want to like it. There are actually moments when I love it. Those moments are almost always when I'm doing something unteacher-y, like having a discussion with one of my favorite seniors about why he thinks marijuana should be legal, when what I should have been doing is making him study chapter four in his American Government text. Or talking to a girl Adrienne's age about her new baby, when she should have been reading chapter three in her US History book.

My problem is that the good bits are too far and few between, and the bits that should be the juiciest often aren't. Like an assigned group discussion about whether or not there should be assigned seats in Congress for women that disintegrates into a handful of teenaged boys talking about chicks on the rag.

I worked at the middle school again last week. On accident, because I didn't realize when I took the job that the teacher works at both the high school and the middle school. I actually cried. These kids are so fucking mean. I've never experienced anything like it, except the last time I taught there. They threw things at me, called me names to my face, laughed when I tried to get control. And forty-five minutes isn't long enough to do anymore than cry in anger and frustration.

So my notebooks is filling up with lists and notes. If I start selling on eBay again, I can at least start only taking half-day jobs (which pay as much as full days and are WONDERFUL.) If I open a bookstore, I can stop working as a substitute all together.

There should be some sort of a law about not substituting before you graduate and get your own class. I know in my head that being a regular classroom teacher wouldn't be anything like being a substitute, but I can't get my heart to wrap around the idea of agreeing to do this work.

I still feel like there has to be some way for me not to wake up with dread on the mornings when I have a job. There must be some way to do this job effectively without letting it drain all the joy out of my life. There has to be.

In the meantime, I've started my eBay store again. I picked up a few things, including a whole bunch of vintage patterns which are so cool I hate to part with them, from our local thrift store that I'm starting with. I bought a dress form, because I don't think I want to mess with a model this time around. I might do a maybe once a quarter model shoot, but for the most part I'm going with a dress form. It should be here just in time for me to get home from Las Vegas at the end of the month. I'm going to do books as well this time around, which should add to my income. I bought some from the library's little sale rack last week and have done pretty well with them. I'm getting better and picking books that will make some money. Every time I see a best seller, I want to jump at it, but they print so many of those that they're SUPER cheap to buy on Amazon. Like a penny. It's the unusual titles that do well.

We are definitely renting the other side of our duplex. I'm SO excited. I think Adrienne will have the living room over there for her bedroom and my office will be in the kitchen with my store stuff in the small bedroom. Whoo! The best part is the huge backyard. I get to have a garden this summer. I can't even tell you how happy I am about that. I bought a book called Gardening When it Counts that talks about gardening without the use of irrigation and I want to give that a try. I want to see if I can grow stuff on whatever rainfall we get here. It isn't a lot, but it's not too hot here either so it might be enough. I want a little greenhouse thing too so that I can start seeds outside.

Something New

There is something incredibly satisfying about turning something into something else. Take the 100% merino wool pumpkin-colored turtleneck sweater I bought at the local thrift store for $1.50. It was just a basic Charter Club size medium. I haven't worn a medium since high school, and Adrienne won't wear wool or a turtleneck.

Why did I buy it, then? For the wool. I washed it in hot water with a pair of jeans and then gave it a good dry. Putting a wool sweater in hot water feels very subversive...like anarchy or rebellion or something. What came out was a much smaller sweater that had felted into a nice wool fabric that could be cut without unraveling.

So now I had a couple yards of this pretty pumpkin wool felt. And I recently bought the Sew Everything Workbook by Diana Rupp (which is a way way cool book, by the way, if you're wanting to learn to sew.) I used her Tokyo Tie Bag pattern, which actually required me to pull out the brown wrapping paper and draw my own pattern. And viola.



The best part was that I was able to cut the pattern from the sleeves, so I still have the front and back of the sweater for something else (I have no idea what yet.) I lined it with this hot pink and white fake Batik fabric I bought for a quarter at the same thrift store a few weeks ago. I had to sew it by hand, but I think I might have anyway because the layers of felted wool were so thick. It took me maybe two hours to complete.

Something magical happens to wool when you felt it. It stops being itchy and turns into this kitten soft stuff that you just want to pet and pet. I'm totally in love with my new purse! It's small without being too precious and the bright lining just peeks out.

I ordered a used Kenmore sewing machine on eBay. I'm so excited. If only the man I bought it from would send me an invoice...it's been three days.