Restless

I feel restless. I feel like something has to happen, but I don't know what. Oil is back up over 97 dollars a barrel. How long can we live in McGill and continue to drive 40 miles a day? We already spend $300 a month in gas. I want a garden, but is it worth while to put one into a rental house that's too small for us and that I'd love to move out of this summer? If we move, then it will be yet another year without a garden. I can't feel settled here, because in the nine months we've lived here, we haven't been in a place that didn't feel temporary.

Kevin wants to move back to Vegas because he keeps getting traffic tickets here. After four or five speeding tickets, (he got them on the highway between Ely and McGill where the speed limit is 60 and when he comes home from work at 3 a.m. no one but cops is on the road), he stopped speeding. Last night he got a $107 ticket for making a right hand turn without a signal.

I do NOT want to move back to Vegas. But I might not mind living in Elko. Or even Logandale where my dad lives. I hate the idea of moving back to extreme heat, though. I just can't do it. Maybe Reno. Or some rural area that way.

I'm torn between wanting to move somewhere beautiful, temperate, green and lush--and wanting to stay nearish to my family, which has all chosen to live in the desert. Jill lives in Idaho, maybe that would work. Maybe I could ignore the fact that it's utterly homogeneous and has zero diversity. Maybe.

I miss my baby. She's visiting her grandparents. For twelve days. I'm going to drive two hours in a little bit here to drop Adrienne and Nick off with their dad for ten days. I feel like I'm supposed to be happy to have some kidless time, but I'm not. I'm going to miss them.

We have no money in the bank, way too much debt, and we have five people in 900 rented square feet. We need a plan. A good one. I'm afraid that 2008 is going to be the year when things really change, and we are not prepared. At the least we need some money, some emergency preparation, and less debt.